Twisted Minds - Underground Reviews

tisdag 3 april 2018

APACHES (1977)

Directed by: John Mackenzie
Written by: Neville Smith
Stars: Robbie Oubridge, Ian Scrace, Sharon Smart... read more

Country: UK
Style: Short | Western
Runtime: 27min

I was really into this one. Scare films are a dime a dozen here, but they rarely have any substance beyond “don’t do this, this negative thing will happen!” You get no real character establishment, there’s usually a narrator who sounds like he also works for Disney, and there’s usually quirky music while whatever terrible scenario is unfolding. Sometimes you don’t even get all of that. You just get a series of smashed cars with teenage intestines hanging from the rear view mirrors. They’re not at all like actual films, they’re all business.

Apaches is different. It’s put together like an after school special from the 70’s. Definitely created with children as it’s target audience, all of the characters in the film probably range from eight to twelve years old. They all look alike too, which was weird. A bunch of blond haired, blue eyed children running around with feathers in their hair. It was weird.

The basic idea is that this small fleet of snotty Little British kids play “Apaches” on a farm aka “How Obnoxious, Disrespectul, And Disruptive Can We Be While Our Parents Work.” One by one they die brutal deaths because of their careless behavior. But I guess that’s what you get for being a shitty, misbehaving little kid on a farm while people are trying to work.

The death scenes aren’t splatter level violent, but they’re pretty graphic for what they are. One kid falls off of the back of a tractor and gets his head crushed by the wheel of the trailer. The aftermath you’re left with is a pool of blood and a toy gun. You would think these little turds would’ve given it a rest after the first one of their friends got brutalized. But no. They continue their little game.

The next kid slips into a pool of cow shit and drowns like it’s quicksand while his friends watch and do nothing to help him. This kid really could’ve survived if his friends had put in effort towards helping him. Then these little toads poison the only girl in their tribe with rat poison that they found in one of their parents’ barns. They keep calling it “fire water.” Her parents pack her shit up immediately after she dies too. They don’t even give rigor mortis time to set in.

You’d figure three dead kids and the parents would shut this shit down and the kids would mourn a little or something. But no. It just keeps going. Another kid gets crushed under a falling fence. You’re left with the image of him curled up under the fence with red goop running from his ears. The last kid, who keeps calling himself Geronimo and just happens to be the most obnoxious of the “tribe,” ends up accidentally driving someone’s tractor off of a cliff. He had no business on the tractor in the first place, let alone shifting it into drive near such a big ledge. It takes all of these kids dying for them to finally show grieving parents.

Anyway, the credits are followed by slow scrolling names and ages of children who died farm accident related deaths. Thanks for the weird scare film, England.


Produced by: John Arnold, Leon Clore
Cinematography by: Phil Meheux
Editing by: Barney Greenwood
Special Effects by: -
Music by: John Cave
Language: English
Color: Color

DistributorBFI Video


Writer for Twisted Minds. Crazy American guy, collaborates together with his homebro Crack Sizzlack and Four Twenty Film Reviews. Have a great knowledge about movies and music and has been on the track as long as he can remember. He has a huge VHS-collection and is responsible owner of the underground movie distribution label King of the Witches and has written and directed the feature film In Furs (2016).